yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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