SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
