Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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