i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
