I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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