Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I had to cum in my sink.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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