chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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