I'd wear matching sweaters with you
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
