If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
