I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
