Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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