I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
