Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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