I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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