I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
