Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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