he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
