Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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