No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
