y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
