Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
