u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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