He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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