kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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