I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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