i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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