Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
