I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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