I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
