party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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