did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize