I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
being pregnant is like rehab
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
All I want is dick and wine.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
