There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
