I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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