when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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