What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
