The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
