The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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