your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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