i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
