I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
