after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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