My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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