i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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