im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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