I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
