Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have already put on my inside pants.
Drunk is a universal language darling
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
