If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
