Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
