you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
