i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
