drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
