She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my poor anus
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize