I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
