dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
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I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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