Church boner. Awkwardddd
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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