I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
