Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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