Having a random hookup so left but love u
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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