so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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