She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
