As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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