I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
