I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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