Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
