my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
