he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Come on in and take your pants off
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